People banned from airplanes

This was reported in the Newsweek online version yesterday.

Headlined ‘People Kill People’, writer Andy Borowitz said that the US's Federal Aviation Administration has banned all people from flights as part of its latest airline security restriction.

The first para of the report said:

“In a move aimed at further tightening airport security, the Federal Aviation Administration announced today that it would ban all people from flights leaving or entering the United States, effective immediately.

The FAA, which has in the past banned such objects as toenail clippers and hair gel, took the extraordinary step of banning people after the Department of Homeland Security conducted a thorough investigation of previous terror plots.

"We looked at terror plots of the past, and in each and every case, people were involved," said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff at a Washington press briefing. "These new rules send the strong message that the FAA has zero tolerance for people."

Chertoff said that while banning liquids from flights was a constructive step, the only true solution was to ban people altogether. "Let's face it, hair gel doesn't kill people," he said. "People kill people."”

Now, now, don’t get riled up over this ridiculous situation. After all it is only a satire by the writer. In fact, his article is clearly stated as a ‘Web-Exclusive Satire - Special to Newsweek’ just as not to confuse anyone.

But then he has a point here. At the rate the US government, and the British authorities, have been creating chaos over security alerts, this satire might just turn out to be true one day.

Read the entire funny article here.